"Smart or dumb ...
The dumb will predominate.
Fat or thin ...
The fat will predominate.
Lazy or not ...
The lazy will predominate."
DAY 173: In the fall of 2007, I followed the lead of my good friends, Staci and Shirley, and joined Jenny Craig. By the spring of 2009 (after about a year and a half), I had lost 70 pounds and felt and looked GREAT! Since then I've gained back a little more than half of it ... and I haven't been very happy with myself.
Time for some honesty ... When I lost the weight the first time, it wasn't for the right reason. I felt that if I lost the weight, it would make me more attractive and I would finally find the relationship I had been looking for. It wasn't about my health or MY self-esteem. That was the mistake. I did the online dating thing and went on a BUNCH of dates ... some I dated more than once. None of them worked out and in my head I KNOW I was saying to myself, "What was the point of losing the weight?" A year or so later, here's the result.
I recognize that now. I know that the weight needs to come off, FOR GOOD, and FOR ME. I remember how great it FELT to be healthy again and I feel very UNhealthy at the moment (even though I'm not nearly the weight I was and people think I still look pretty good). I need to remember how scared I was during the cardiac catheterization. I need to remember that my dad died at the age of 48. It's important, and I need to take care of it. As Staci reminded me last night ... "that food will never taste as good as being healthy and thin feels."
So ... I'm heading back to Jenny Craig again. It's clear I haven't learned enough to do it on my own. I NEED the structure. I NEED the accountability of having to weigh in every week. It's worth it and so am I.
I'm grateful for the opportunity to rejoin, lose that weight again, and KEEP IT OFF this time ... and for the RIGHT reasons!